100 Actually Funny Dad Jokes That’ll Crack You Up
We've collected the most legendary dad jokes of all time, rated by our community of joke enthusiasts. Prepare for some serious groaning! 😄
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack up! 🥚
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta! 🍝
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! 🐧
Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? It’s two-tired! 🚲
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese! 🧀
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised! 😳
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing but let out a little wine! 🍇
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one! ⛳️
How do you organize a space party? You planet! 🌌
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere! 🌕
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems! 📘
Want to hear a construction joke? Oh, never mind. I’m still working on it! 🛠️
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison! 🦬
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands. 🎹
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! 💀
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! 🥕
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged! ☕
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head! 🏠
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! 📚
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough! 🥖
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! 🍅
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it! 💧
Why don’t some fish play piano? Because you can’t tuna fish! 🎶🐟
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats. 🍫
How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper! 🐄
What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud! 🌸
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumby! 🍪
Why don't oysters share their pearls? Because they're shellfish! 🦪
What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved! 🌊
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot! 👃
How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience! 🥒
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! 🐊
Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad! 🐸
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well! 🍌
Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems! 📐
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut! 🐿️
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up! 🛝
What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner! 🧱
Why did the barber win the race? He took a shortcut! ✂️
What’s brown and sticky? A stick! 🪵
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest. 💵
How do you organize a space party? You planet! 🌌
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing! 🍅
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies! 🧹
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! 🐘
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y. 🔤
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener! 🥫
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy. 🍣
Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents! 🎪
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! 💀
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans! 🐔
What did the grape do when he got stepped on? Nothing but let out a little wine! 🍇
How does a snowman get around? By riding an 'icicle! ⛄️
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels! 🥯
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1! 🌲
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers! 🥷
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged! ☕
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! ⚛️
How does a dog stop a video? By hitting the paws button! 🐾
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! ⛳
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go! 🎈
How do astronomers organize a party? They planet! 🌌
Why did the mushroom go to the party alone? Because he’s a fungi! 🍄
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe! 🍈
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead! 🎩
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it! 🤧
Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets! 💸
What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! 🐂
Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels! 🛗
How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! 🐇
What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt! 🎩
What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam! 🐟
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with! 🎃
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! 🚲
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! 🐻
How does a rabbi make his coffee? Hebrews it! ☕
Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out! 🏋️
Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems! 📘
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it’s too far to walk! 🦅
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison! 🦬
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long! 🍪
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it! 💧
Why don’t you play hide and seek with mountains? Because they’ll peak! 🏔️
How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall! 🍋
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies! 🧹
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash! ❄️
Why are spiders so smart? Because they can find everything on the web! 🕸️
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells! 👃
How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints! 🌱
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap! 🧻
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left! 🏟️
What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me! 🍽️
Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because her parents were in a jam! 🍓
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! 🥕
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh! 🐟
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one! ⛳️
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! 🔬
What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts! 🐦